I'M A STAR..................

YESTERDAY, WAS SUCH A WIERD AND WACKY DAY. THE KIDS ARE OFF FROM SCHOOL AND I TRY TO KEEP THEM BUSY AT ALL COSTS. SO, MY CLOSE AMERICAN FRIEND BETH, HER TWO BOYS, MY TWO ANGELS AND MYSELF WENT TO PARADISE WILDLIFE PARK IN HERTFORDSHIRE. WELL, I MADE MY STAGE DEBUT THERE! AND I LOVED IT SO BLINKIN MUCH! MY SON JOSHUA STOOD UP TO ANSWER A QUESTION FROM THE COMPARE ON THE STAGE. AND WOLA-I WAS CALLED TO PARTICIPATE! THERE WAS AN AUDIENCE ABOUT 450 OR SO! BOY, NOW I KNOW WHAT ROGER HAD SAID YOU DO ONLY SEE THE FIRST 3 OR 4 ROWS IN FRONT OF THE STAGE. IT'S HARD TO PICK OUT ANYONE ELSE WITH ALL THOSE LIGHT. SO, I HAD TO DANCE, RUN AROUND THE STAGE WITH THE COMPARE AND GET THE AUDIENCE TO REACT! AND I DIDN'T GIVE A MONKEYS THAT I HAD NO MAKE-UP ON, WEARING SHORTS, HAIRED TIED BACK AND FAT! SO BLINKING WHAT-I HAD A BLAST. AND I WANT TO DO IT AGAIN! LOOK OUT BETTE MIDLER HERE I COME! AFTERWARDS, WE HAD LUNCH AND JOSHUA GOT STUNG BY A WASP. SO WE WENT TO THE FIRST AID-THANK HEAVENS FOR WASP EASE! JAMIE GOR A SPLINTER, KAYLEIGH GOT A BELLY ACHE BUT LAST BUT NOT LEAST WE WHERE TAKING A LAST LOOK AT THE ANIMALS BEFORE GOING HOME AND A GAME KEEPER OPENED A FENCE...............AND..........AND...........A GIANT TEPIER ESCAPED! WHAT A GIRL I AM. I RAN AND PUSHED MY FRIEND AND THE KIDS SO FAST. I PICTURED THIS CREATURE AS A WILD BOAR! I ALMOST POOED MYSELF! THE KEEPER GENTLY TOLD THE TAPIER TO GO BACK AND HE/SHE DID. WELL, I DIDN'T SLEEP AND HAD HEAT STROKE THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT AND I WANT TO BE SPAIN FOR THE WHO TONIGHT! I JUST WILL HAVE TO SETTLE FOR ITA AND 3 SONGS ON THE COMPUTER TONIGHT! oh well!

AMAZING JOURNEY

HEY, IT'S SUNDAY NIGHT IN LONDON (LOUGHTON-THEY BOTH START WITH THE LETTER L, ANYWAY) AND IT'S HOT AND BALMY. WHERE ARE THE BLINKIN AIR CONDITIONERS? WHY IS THE GOLDEN ARCHES AND PIZZA HUT THE ONLY THING WITH AIR CON? WHY ARE THE AIR CON UNITS TO PURCHASE AS BIG AS THE OLD TYPE STEREO SPEAKERS? WHO NEEDS ANOTHER PIECE OF FURNITURE IN THESE SMALL ENGLISH HOUSE! ANYWHO, WE ARE NOT GOING TO SPAIN IN THE NEXT DAY OR SO. WE THINK THE SPANISH CROWDS MAYBE TOO ROUGH FOR THE LITTLE ONES! OH WELL! THE NOSE HAS LOST THE PLOT AND IS BECOMING INSULTING AND FORGETS THAT OTHERS HAVE FEELINGS TOO! HE HAD THE NERVE TO SAY TO A CLOSE FRIEND THAT HER HAIR NEEDS A BIG CHANGE AND THAT WAS AT A PRESS CONFERENCE! WHAT A CHEEK! AND THE GIRLFRIEND CALLS WHO FANS FAT AND HAIRY! WELL, WELL, WELL-WHO PAYS THE BILLS OLE DARLINGS OF SURREY?????????????????